Last Thursday was our final adoption training class at Bethany. It was a five hour meeting with five other couples in attendance. Mostly we discussed attachment in adoption which is "a special enduring form of 'emotional' relationship with a specific person which involves soothing, comfort and pleasure." By the end of the session, Amanda and I understood how important attachment really is for an adopted child. You wouldn't think an infant would have trouble attaching to its adoptive parents until you remember that it spent the first nine months of life in its mother's womb listening to her heartbeat, breathing, and voice. They tell us that healthy attachment will take several months.
Now that this meeting is completed, we are just waiting to do our home study. It should be soon. It will happen sooner if our FBI background checks have returned to the agency. So, with the home study quickly approaching, we have started applying for adoption grants. The applications for these are just about as long as our adoption application. Our hope is that we will receive enough grant money to cover a major portion of our adoption expenses, that is, $14,500, but doesn't include the first $5500 needed up front. We feel blessed to have already collected that first $5500 through our own saving and the generous gifts of friends and family. The grand total of adoption expenses will be somewhere near $20000. To say the least, we are hoping for a grant (or two, or three).
Please be in prayer for us as we apply for grants. At this point, we are tired of filling out applications. Pray that we would persevere through this process. Also, pray that we could do our home study soon. The sooner we get that done, the sooner we can be matched with a baby.
THANK YOU!!!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Yellow Rubber Duckies
When we found out last April that Amanda was pregnant, we started collecting yellow rubber duckies for the baby. We thought it would be a fun way to decorate the baby's room. (We also thought it was appropriate since we raise four live ducks in our yard.) Our big idea wasn't all that easy to fulfill because we found that the sort of ducks we wanted weren't that popular. But, we were driven to find them. After a few weeks, we were able to gather quite an assortment of items like ducky pajamas, a ducky blanket, and even some other ducky toys. This duck hunt kept us preoccupied as we patiently waited for the baby to grow.
Mid-June (just before the 12-week mark) we were supposed to hear the heartbeat. We didn't. The doctor informed us of the miscarriage. We had already grown so attached to the baby. Just like that, our hope and excitement for this baby came to a crashing halt. Never have I experienced such pain. We buried the rubber duckies, the pajamas, and the blanket in the bottom drawer of a white dresser in our guest bedroom.
Nothing will replace the baby that we lost, but we are finding through this journey of adoption that our excitement is returning. We have started collecting duckies again. And, it seems there are more of them out there. The yellow ducks are now much more than just a fun way to decorate. They remind us of the specialness of life and all of its ups and downs. Our hope is that soon we will be able to present these duckies to our own little "duckling" through the joy of adoption.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Some Adoption Language
We are learning that we must start saying some things differently regarding adoption. Here is a list of phrases and their replacements provided by Bethany Christian Services:
Rather than "real parents" say "birthparents," "birthmother," or "birthfather."
Rather than "natural parents" say "biological parents."
Rather than "real child" say "birthchild."
Rather than "put up for adoption" say "make an adoption plan."
Rather than "give up for adoption" say "choose adoption."
Rather than "is adopted" say "was adopted."
These minor variations make a big difference.
Rather than "real parents" say "birthparents," "birthmother," or "birthfather."
Rather than "natural parents" say "biological parents."
Rather than "real child" say "birthchild."
Rather than "put up for adoption" say "make an adoption plan."
Rather than "give up for adoption" say "choose adoption."
Rather than "is adopted" say "was adopted."
These minor variations make a big difference.
More Things To Think About
Thursday's meeting with the adoption agency was a big one for us. It was a little bit of training about adoption and a little bit more information to help us make some important decisions. It definitely gave us a few more things to think about.
A majority of this meeting focused on our adoption plan. The plan is divided into two major sections: adoption preferences and openness plan. As we work through the adoption preferences we are to decide whether we will welcome a child that has correctable medical conditions, severe medical conditions, a different race than ours, among other things. We also have to decide our preferences about the social and medical history of the expectant parents, such as, mental illnesses, drug/alcohol use, HIV infection, etc. While these decisions may seem simple (Who wouldn't adopt a child no matter what?) there's a lot more involved than just checking yes or no. As I think about a child with several medical disorders, I have to be honest that we may not be the best parents for that child. For example, we have no experience in caring for a child with something like Cerebal Palsy. There are parents who would be much more qualified for providing outstanding care for a child with that condition. Then I think, "Well, certainly no parents are prepared for that." So, this is the sort of thing we need to think and pray through.
The second part of the plan addresses our openness. This asks us to decide what sort of relationship we want with the birth parents. The options are open, semi-open, and closed. The "closed" option means that we will have no contact with the birth parents and the child will not know the parents while he/she is growing up. The "semi-open" option means that we will have access to the birth parents and can send them notes and pictures, though the child will not have contact with them. The "open" option means that we (including the child) will be able to meet the birth parents. This is another difficult decision and we have received advice going in both directions. It's hard to know what the right/best thing is to do. We watched a video about "openness" and it involved birth mothers. One mother said the hardest part after giving birth was leaving the hospital in a wheelchair, but not having a baby in her arms. I can't imagine how difficult that must be.
Our prayer needs:
- Pray for us as we work through the adoption plan and decide on preferences about the child.
- Pray for us as we think about and make decisions regarding our openness.
- Continue to pray for our finances. Currently we have 27% of the total we need at placement.
- Pray for that mother out there who is carrying the baby that will grow in our home.
We continue to be excited about this journey and definitely see God at work, but it can be quite emotionally draining. It will be oh so worth it in the end.
A majority of this meeting focused on our adoption plan. The plan is divided into two major sections: adoption preferences and openness plan. As we work through the adoption preferences we are to decide whether we will welcome a child that has correctable medical conditions, severe medical conditions, a different race than ours, among other things. We also have to decide our preferences about the social and medical history of the expectant parents, such as, mental illnesses, drug/alcohol use, HIV infection, etc. While these decisions may seem simple (Who wouldn't adopt a child no matter what?) there's a lot more involved than just checking yes or no. As I think about a child with several medical disorders, I have to be honest that we may not be the best parents for that child. For example, we have no experience in caring for a child with something like Cerebal Palsy. There are parents who would be much more qualified for providing outstanding care for a child with that condition. Then I think, "Well, certainly no parents are prepared for that." So, this is the sort of thing we need to think and pray through.
The second part of the plan addresses our openness. This asks us to decide what sort of relationship we want with the birth parents. The options are open, semi-open, and closed. The "closed" option means that we will have no contact with the birth parents and the child will not know the parents while he/she is growing up. The "semi-open" option means that we will have access to the birth parents and can send them notes and pictures, though the child will not have contact with them. The "open" option means that we (including the child) will be able to meet the birth parents. This is another difficult decision and we have received advice going in both directions. It's hard to know what the right/best thing is to do. We watched a video about "openness" and it involved birth mothers. One mother said the hardest part after giving birth was leaving the hospital in a wheelchair, but not having a baby in her arms. I can't imagine how difficult that must be.
Our prayer needs:
- Pray for us as we work through the adoption plan and decide on preferences about the child.
- Pray for us as we think about and make decisions regarding our openness.
- Continue to pray for our finances. Currently we have 27% of the total we need at placement.
- Pray for that mother out there who is carrying the baby that will grow in our home.
We continue to be excited about this journey and definitely see God at work, but it can be quite emotionally draining. It will be oh so worth it in the end.
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