Orphanology

This is a great, challenging read for anyone who shares God's heart for orphans.  The authors' insight comes from their own adoption experiences, as well as, the opportunities they have had speaking about adoption and orphan care.  While the content of the book will challenge everyone, I think it provides the greatest challenge for church leaders to take up the call to orphan care.

Some Unexpected Things

It was supposed to be a routine check-up last Wednesday for Amanda's second pregnancy.  We thought we could squeeze in an appointment with the doc before heading out that evening to Arizona for a wedding.  Everything went well at the office and the doctor was able to get us an ultrasound that afternoon.  She thought it would put us at ease since we have a history of miscarriage. 

We went for the ultrasound and the technician found what she called a cyst on Amanda's ovary.  She didn't make a big deal about it, but said we'd check things out again in a week.  Later that afternoon, we took Amanda's dad out for a late Father's Day supper.  While munching down at Texas Roadhouse, the doctor called Amanda.  She told her that after looking at the reports, it appeared that Amanda had an ectopic pregnancy.  An ectopic pregnancy is a pregnancy that forms anywhere other than the uterus.  If the baby continues to grow, it could burst the tubes and Amanda could bleed to death.  Because of this, she advised us not to go to Arizona.

We stayed put in Sioux Falls Wednesday night, had more tests done on Friday, then more tests in the morning on Sunday.  The doctor admitted Amanda to the hospital Sunday afternoon for observation.  Based on blood tests, the pregnancy failed, the baby was no longer alive, and the options at that point were to have surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy or to take medication for it.  The pregnancy had already ended, we just needed to get it cleared up for Amanda's physical health.  For various reasons, we opted for medication.  Around 8 p.m. on Sunday, the doctor released us to go home. 

Emotionally, we are doing well.  Physically, Amanda still has some pain, but is slowly improving.  Our biggest question is, "Why would God allow us to get pregnant, share the exciting news, have plans for Arizona, then end the pregnancy?"  I think it's a question that we will never have the answer to...at least in this life.  This is tough stuff, but we continue to put our hope in Jesus and know that God is in control. 

On a brighter note, we were able to "see" via ultrasound yesterday the baby that's due in a few weeks.  We saw the hands, feet, fingers, nose, mouth...but no gender.  It's a beautiful baby and we cannot wait to bring it home.  By the way, because of the birthmother's size, they are not going to let the baby grow larger than 7 pounds before delivering.  The baby is now 5 pounds, 14 ounces.  A baby grows 1/2 pound per week.  This means the baby will be 7 pounds in two weeks.  That's two weeks earlier than expected.  It could come on July 16th, which is also our birthdays -- Amanda and I share a birthday.  How cool would it be if our whole family had birthdays on July 16?  

Thank you for the many prayers and overwhelming support during this time.  We are so thankful! 

One Year Ago

June 14, 2010 is a day that will not be easily forgotten by us.  It was one year ago today that Amanda had an appointment with the doctor, then an ultrasound, then the discovery that our baby was no longer growing.  To say the least, it was quite a shock.  We had started planning for the arrival of a little one, but all of that stopped in an instant.  We locked ourselves in the house for a few days as we grieved the loss and came to grips with what had happened.  A few close friends provided support as they prayed and cried with us.  We'll never know why this happened this way, but we believe that God is in control and that sometimes He allows us to go through hard things for a reason.  We take comfort in knowing that He always loves us...no matter what.

Twenty Things

The first of five books the agency asked us to read during the waiting period was this book -- "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew."  The author, an adoptee herself, provides a wealth of resources and personal experience to make this book an enlightening, and enjoyable, read.  Based on her own personal experiences, and those gathered from other adoptees, Ms. Eldridge provides insight into the heart and mind of an adopted child to the benefit of his/her parents.

The book is very relevant, but one thing that keeps coming back to my mind has to do with the adopted child's birthday.  The adopted child wants his/her parents to know that sometimes birthdays can be very difficult for them.  Unlike biological children, the adopted child may see her birthday as the day she was rejected, the abandonment day, or the day her parents didn't want her.  The result may be bursts of anger, depression, or still silence.

Many of these "Twenty Things" are difficult truths to swallow, but obviously very important to grasp.  They are just as important for parents with adopted children as they are for parents with biological children.  I found myself thinking many times, "All parents should read this book," because it's really "Twenty Things EVERY Kid Wishes His/Her Parents Knew."

The next book to read is "Orphanology," gospel-centered adoption and orphan care.  

W a i t i n g

It's only been 17 days since we've officially been done with all of our paperwork and on the waiting list, but it feels much longer.  We've hit the point of just waiting for a phone call from the adoption agency to tell us that we've been matched with a mother and her baby.  The agency told us that during the time of filling out our paperwork, everything would move along quickly.  They also told us that once the paperwork was done, and the home study was approved, it would feel like we hit a brick wall.  They were right.  Every time the phone rings, we jump with anticipation that it's our agent from Bethany. 

When you're waiting for something, you find things to do to pass the time.  Some of the things we have occupied ourselves with include: decorating the baby's room (so far we have the crib, changing table, and several decorations, but we're waiting for the glider, which was backordered); we're reading a book titled, "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished Their Adoptive Parents Knew," it's an emotinoally challenging read; and we pray every day for the baby God has chosen for us.

Some things you could pray about:

• That the mother would be taking good care of herself (and the baby she's carrying) and that she would make a final decision about adoption.
• That a baby would soon be available for us to adopt.
• That God would prepare our hearts and minds for the role of being, not only parents, but adoptive parents. 
• That we would be patient and know that God's timing is perfect. 

In our eyes, the timing is perfect...our application process is finished, our bills are paid, and it's summer -- the season of new life.  However, we know that God's timing is always perfect and so we will wait on Him.  Thank you for your support, encouragement, and prayers.

Adoption and Jesus

One of the phrases we have learned to use about adoption when speaking about our child is that our child "was adopted," not "is adopted."  I hadn't previously thought about the importance of that distinction, but it does make quite a difference.  To say that my child "is adopted" is to put a label on him/her.  It might single the child out as different, especially if he/she is the only adopted child among biological siblings.  However, to say the child "was adopted" is to say, "This is how you were received into our family.  While the others were born into the family, you were adopted."  The child who "was adopted" has all of the legal, social, familial rights and privileges as biological children.  This is a great image of how we relate to God through Christ.

Until we started the adoption process, I didn't realize how frequently the Bible uses the term "adoption" to describe the change in our lives because of Jesus.  The word "adoption" is used five times in the New Testament:

"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as [sons and daughters] by which we cry out, 'Abba!  Father!'" (Romans 8:15, NASB)

 "And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as [sons and daughters], the redemption of our body." (Romans 8:23, NASB)

 "For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh, who are Israelites, to whom belongs the adoption as [sons and daughters], and the glory and the covenants and the giving of the Law and the temple service and the promises, whose are the fathers, and from whom is the Christ according to the flesh, who is over all, God blessed forever.  Amen." (Romans 9:3-4, NASB)

 "But when the fullness of the time came, God sent for His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive adoption as [sons and daughters]." (Galatians 4:4-5, NASB)

 "He predestined us to adoption as [sons and daughters] through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved." (Ephesians 1:5-6, NASB)

Paul wrote that we were "by nature children of wrath" (Eph. 2:3).  Before faith in Christ, people literally belong to the "family of disobedience."  But, if your faith is in Jesus Christ, you have been adopted into the family of God.  You can run with arms wide open to your "Abba!  Father!"  He didn't adopt only your "spirit," but your entire being was adopted through Christ.  You have been adopted into God's family just as those under the Law, receiving the full rights and privileges as a child of God.  It was His plan to adopt you into His family and He did it freely and for His glory. 

God doesn't look at you and say, "This child is adopted," causing you to feel inferior.  Rather, He smiles at you and says, "This child was adopted into my family."  Your adoption into the family of God is complete because of your faith in Jesus Christ.  You are no longer a child of wrath, but you are a child of God with your eyes fixed on the hope of a glorious future. 

Conclusion of Home Study

The report from our home study was sent to us yesterday afternoon.  We have reviewed it and returned it to Bethany.  Here is the conclusion from their report:

The results of this psychosocial evaluation strongly support this worker’s opinion that Jeremiah and Amanda are ready, willing, and able to take on the parenting challenges present in adoption.  This ability appears to be based from their solid attachments with their own parents.  Jeremiah and Amanda appear to be free of any unresolved trauma, loss, or victimization experiences that would interfere with their ability to parent. 

Jeremiah and Amanda possess all of the characteristics found in healthy, mature adults and successful adoptive parents.  This couple also has an excellent familial support system.  All family members are inclusive and ready to embrace a child as a full family member. 

Jeremiah and Amanda are equally committed to parenting and competent in this role.  Although they have not parented yet, it is this worker’s opinion that they will use loving, consistent parenting techniques.  They enjoy spending time with their nieces and nephews; both are also involved with the Sunday school program at their church.  A willingness to increase their knowledge and develop skills pertinent to adopting a child with minor special needs was evident throughout the home study process.  This worker appreciated their open and honest communication about their motivation to adopt and the child they desire to adopt.  They realize that maintaining a healthy marriage requires effort from both partners and that bringing a child into the family will create new familial dynamics.  It is this worker’s belief that this couple is competent to provide a safe, structured, and nurturing home environment for a child.

The Waiting Period

We are now in what they call the "waiting period."  Another way to say it is, "We are pregnant (so-to-speak), we just don't know how long the pregnancy will go on.  We could be waiting for a week or a year.  It's hard to say.  We're just waiting...

Some specific things we're waiting for include:
- The completion of our home study report.  Our caseworker is organizing all of the information she has gathered into a report for their office.  We hope this will be completed this week.
- An expectant mother to visit the agency and select us to be the parents of her child.
- A due date for a baby. 

As we are waiting, we will be praying for the expectant parents to make a committed decision and for the health and well-being of the baby.  We will also be reading some books about being adoptive parents.  The agency has started sending us some magazines and literature to prepare us for that role.  And, of course, we will continue putting together the baby's room.  We'll post pictures of the room when it's finished.  

We want to say thank you to everyone for your prayers and support.  Thank you for asking about the adoption process.  We are blessed to have you in our life.  It's exciting to be at this point because it was a year ago today that we found out that we were pregnant.  A lot has happened in a year.  God moved us in a completely different direction.  Perhaps the purpose of the miscarriage was to point us to adoption.  Who knows?  The fact is, we are getting closer!  Please continue to pray. 

Mark Schultz - Story Behind the Song

Christian singer/songwriter, Mark Schultz, was adopted as a child.  His song, "Everything to Me," was written to/about his birthmother.  This video is the story behind the song.  He provides a great perspective of why choosing adoption is so important. 

Our Letter to the Expectant Parents

Our profile book has been printed and shipped to Bethany's office.  To make the book a little more personal, we wrote a letter to the expectant parents.  Thought you would like to read it:

Hello!

Thank you for taking time to look at our book.  We also want to thank you for considering us to be the adoptive parents of your child.  We hope that you have been able to learn a little about us and what our lives our like.

Since deciding in December that we wanted to adopt, we have been thinking about you, the expectant parents, and the baby you carry.  We are so excited and thankful that you have made the decision to make an adoption plan for your child.  We are sure that getting to this point has not been easy for you.  We pray for you and your baby often.

We cannot wait to open our home to a baby.  We have been waiting for this day for about 3 years because we have not been able to have biological children. 

We want you to know that we will love your baby so much, and that all of our extended family is equally thrilled to welcome a new baby.  We will continue to pray for you throughout the rest of your pregnancy, your labor & delivery, and for all the days that will follow.

Jeremiah and Amanda

Home Study is Finished!

Our case worker came to the house yesterday for the third and final visit.  She had several more questions for us, but this time about our community.  She wanted to know what we thought about living in the country, what we liked about it and didn't like.  She asked about our neighbors...which are few.  We were happy to tell her that all of our neighbors attend our church and they are really good people.  We also had to tell her how many miles to the nearest hospital in case of emergencies.  She even wanted to know where we would send our children to school (James Valley was our answer, by the way).

After she finished with her questions, she walked around the house just to check things out.  She took the water temperature (ours was perfect at 120 deg).  She asked how many smoke alarms we had.  You're supposed to have one in every bedroom and at least one on every level.  We have to pick up a few more.

She ended the session by working through our adoption plan.  This is a list of items we filled out that they use to match us with an expectant mother.  It went mostly well, but we do have some things to think about.  We also came up with a list of goals to work on over the next few weeks.  

Overall, it went really well.  We are now done with all of the preliminary work.  She will write up our report and send it to us for review.  After they approve it, we will become a waiting family.  She tells us that it will  be approved next week.

Yellow Rubber Duckies in the Baby's Room

On a side note: In celebration of being done with all this adoption paperwork stuff, we ordered a crib and a changing table for the baby's room.  In the picture are the pac-n-play, stroller, and rubber duckies.  We're going with a brown, green, and yellow theme since we won't know the gender of the baby.  Either way, we figure it's time to start decorating the baby's room!

Home Study (part 2)

The second part of our home study actually didn't take place in our home.  Since we pay mileage for the social worker to come to us, they were kind enough to let us come to them.  This saved us about $150 dollars.  This was okay to do because the interview actually had nothing to do with our home. 

The interview started with both of us together, answering some follow-up questions from the first part of our home study.  Then, the agent split us up and interviewed us individually for an hour.  We weren't quite sure of what to expect, but it went well.  I think she was trying to see if we told the same stories and were on the same page with adoption stuff.

When the interviews were over, she told us that she has no hesitancies about us becoming adoptive parents.  She strongly encouraged us to get our "profile book" printed, which we did last night.  And, she scheduled the third and final part of our home study for this Thursday, March 31. 

So, on Thursday we will be finished with all the preliminary work.  Next week, we will become a waiting family...waiting for a child to be matched with us.  This whole process has moved so quickly and we can see God guiding us through it all.  Thank you for your many prayers.  God is moving.

Our Profile Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

This is the final version of our "profile book."  When the expectant parents come into Bethany, they will be given a hard copy of this book.  If they like what they see, they will ask to meet with us.

Home Study (part 1)

Our case worker arrived a little after 10 this morning to begin our home study.  Amanda and I were both expecting to be split up, but she kept us together.  We answered several questions based on one of the applications we filled out a while ago.  The questions had to do with our experiences growing up; how we will raise our own children; and several other personal questions.  She was here for about two hours, which passed by quickly.  We have two more appointments with her. 

Our next appointment will be next Thursday at the agency in Sioux Falls.  At this meeting, we will be split up and asked more of the same questions.  Then, our case worker will return to our home on March 31st to do a walk through of the house.  This will be our final meeting.

Here's some good news: Our profile will be complete and we can be matched beginning the first week of April.  They are working with several expectant mothers, so keep praying.  It's getting closer...

Children Of God

What a great reminder that we are all children of God. We have all been adopted into God's family. Check out www.thirdday.com/adopted for more information about adoption.  Mac Powell and his wife adopted their fourth child through Bethany Christian Services.

Adoption Is Greater Than Universe

Some good thoughts by John Piper about spiritual adoption into God's family and why we should consider adoption.  It gives you something to think about.   

The Life and Hope Journey

 

Our adoption blog has made it around the world!  Below is a list of places where the blog has been viewed.  The information is provided by our blog administrator.

United States
United Kingdom
Thailand
Canada
Lebanon
China
Germany
Netherlands
Vietnam
South Africa
India
Hungary
South Korea
Denmark
Indonesia
Australia
Iran
Ukraine
Nigeria
Spain
Uruguay
Norway
Singapore

An interesting observation about this list is that many of these countries are overloaded with orphans.  This tells us that someone from these countries was probably "googling" about adoption and stumbled upon our blog.  We'd still like to see it viewed in South America and Australia.  So, pass it on.  Thank you.

How Long Does Adoption Take?

One of the questions we are most commonly asked is: How long does adoption take?  It's a really good question, so we want you to know the answer.

The agency told us that they are asked this question all the time, but there is no definite answer.  Once a couple completes their home study (we will start ours on March 17), they are ready to be matched with an expectant mother.  The time between completion of the home study and being matched with an expectant mother is called the "waiting period" because you are literally just waiting to be matched.  The waiting period can be very short.  Some families have had a waiting period of zero days because they were matched the first day their profile book was made available to a mother.  However, the waiting period can also be very long.  They have also had some families wait as long as three years to be matched. 

Another way to think of this time is kind of like a pregnancy.  After conception, you have a "waiting period" of nine months before the baby arrives.  The only difference with adoption is that we don't know how long our waiting period will be.  So, this is our prayer: Please pray that the waiting period is short, that once our profile is complete we could be matched quickly.  When we are matched, the baby will most likely arrive within two months. 

We finished our profile book, but have some edits to make in it.  We'll have it up here soon.

Home Study Scheduled

Yay!  Our home study has been scheduled for March 17.  This will be the first of two visits to our home.  Amanda and I will meet individually with the social worker to answer questions based on our profile surveys.  The first meet will last 2-3 hours and a second meeting will take place a week or more later.  Once our home study is complete, we will be considered a "waiting family."  We will be waiting to be matched with an expectant mother and the child she is carrying.  Things are moving smoothly and, as you can expect, we are EXCITED! 

In the next few days we will post our "Profile Book" to the blog.  This is the book the expectant mother previews when she comes into Bethany.  She will/will not choose us based on this book.   Watch for it.

Hope for a Grant

Last Thursday was our final adoption training class at Bethany.  It was a five hour meeting with five other couples in attendance.  Mostly we discussed attachment in adoption which is "a special enduring form of 'emotional' relationship with a specific person which involves soothing, comfort and pleasure."  By the end of the session, Amanda and I understood how important attachment really is for an adopted child.  You wouldn't think an infant would have trouble attaching to its adoptive parents until you remember that it spent the first nine months of life in its mother's womb listening to her heartbeat, breathing, and voice.  They tell us that healthy attachment will take several months. 

Now that this meeting is completed, we are just waiting to do our home study.  It should be soon.  It will happen sooner if our FBI background checks have returned to the agency.  So, with the home study quickly approaching, we have started applying for adoption grants.  The applications for these are just about as long as our adoption application.  Our hope is that we will receive enough grant money to cover a major portion of our adoption expenses, that is, $14,500, but doesn't include the first $5500 needed up front.  We feel blessed to have already collected that first $5500 through our own saving and the generous gifts of friends and family.  The grand total of adoption expenses will be somewhere near $20000.  To say the least, we are hoping for a grant (or two, or three).

Please be in prayer for us as we apply for grants.  At this point, we are tired of filling out applications.  Pray that we would persevere through this process.  Also, pray that we could do our home study soon.  The sooner we get that done, the sooner we can be matched with a baby.

THANK YOU!!!