Hesedah's First Big Laugh

Hesedah laughed hysterically when I made doggie noises.  This was the first time she laughed so much and in response to us.

Celebrate Adoption Banquet

November is National Adoption Month and to celebrate that we are hosting a "Celebrate Adoption" banquet at Bethel Church (19453 408th Ave., Yale, SD) on Monday, November 14 at 6:30 p.m.  The banquet is for anyone interested in adoption because they have adopted a child, were adopted themselves, or know someone who has adopted.  Our evening will begin with a delicious meal, followed by Judee Howard, director of Bethany Christian Services in Sioux Falls, speaking about how "Adoption is Missional".  Various adoption agencies from the area will be on hand to provide information about adoption.  It will be a fun night of celebrating adoption.  The cost is free.  Children are welcome.  Space is limited, so RSVP is needed.  Please call 605-352-7424 to reserve your spot.

Five Weeks...Already!

Hesedah's first Sunday at church

It's hard to believe that five weeks have gone by already since we first brought little Hesedah home.  She has grown so much during this time and it has been such a joy for us to see all those changes.  She is a wonderful little girl who likes to sleep, eat, and sleep some more.  She's a fairly easy baby to take care of.  She only seems to cry when there is something really bothering her (diaper, hungry, etc.)  She sleeps well through the night.  Most nights she is out for six hours, but she has had a few eight-hour nights, too.  At her last appointment, she weighed in at 8 pounds 6 ounces and that was two weeks ago already.  This means she has already gained two pounds since birth.  Her next appointment is at two months and she will receive her vaccinations at that time.  My favorite thing about Hesedah at this age is when I wake her up in the morning for her breakfast.  She stretches her arms over her head, blinks her eyes a few times, and gets a little smile on her face as if to say, "Good morning, daddy!"  She is a precious little girl and has been a huge blessing in our life.  God is good!

Hesedah's Pretty in Pink

All clean after her first bath.

Mommy giving Hesedah her first bath.

Welcome Home Hesedah!

Hesedah doing her favorite thing - sleeping.

Mommy and Hesedah at the hospital.

Daddy and Hesedah at home.

First family picture at the hospital.

Hesedah (pronounced heh-SAY-dah) was born July 23, 2011 at 7:28 p.m.  She was 6 pounds, 9 ounces and 18 3/4 inches long.  It has been such a joy watching her grow these first hours of her life.  She is precious, adorable, and we couldn't be any more proud.  Her birth mother is such a special young woman and we are so grateful to her for choosing us to be the adoptive parents of her baby.  Hesedah is home now and doing well.  She quickly showed us what parenting is really like that first night as she needed diapers changed, bottles delivered and pacifier in place.  We are impressed that she is eating so well and we can already see her growing so much.  Hesedah is an answer to our prayers and evidence to us of God's loyal love.  Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support during this time.  We are so grateful!     

Panoramic Shot of Baby Room

 

I took this panoramic shot of the baby room this afternoon.  Click the photo for a larger image.  The brown rug is not oddly shaped, but that's how the camera put the picture together.  This gives you a good idea of how it looks.  We are hoping the baby arrives soon...maybe within the next week. 

Orphanology

This is a great, challenging read for anyone who shares God's heart for orphans.  The authors' insight comes from their own adoption experiences, as well as, the opportunities they have had speaking about adoption and orphan care.  While the content of the book will challenge everyone, I think it provides the greatest challenge for church leaders to take up the call to orphan care.

Some Unexpected Things

It was supposed to be a routine check-up last Wednesday for Amanda's second pregnancy.  We thought we could squeeze in an appointment with the doc before heading out that evening to Arizona for a wedding.  Everything went well at the office and the doctor was able to get us an ultrasound that afternoon.  She thought it would put us at ease since we have a history of miscarriage. 

We went for the ultrasound and the technician found what she called a cyst on Amanda's ovary.  She didn't make a big deal about it, but said we'd check things out again in a week.  Later that afternoon, we took Amanda's dad out for a late Father's Day supper.  While munching down at Texas Roadhouse, the doctor called Amanda.  She told her that after looking at the reports, it appeared that Amanda had an ectopic pregnancy.  An ectopic pregnancy is a pregnancy that forms anywhere other than the uterus.  If the baby continues to grow, it could burst the tubes and Amanda could bleed to death.  Because of this, she advised us not to go to Arizona.

We stayed put in Sioux Falls Wednesday night, had more tests done on Friday, then more tests in the morning on Sunday.  The doctor admitted Amanda to the hospital Sunday afternoon for observation.  Based on blood tests, the pregnancy failed, the baby was no longer alive, and the options at that point were to have surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy or to take medication for it.  The pregnancy had already ended, we just needed to get it cleared up for Amanda's physical health.  For various reasons, we opted for medication.  Around 8 p.m. on Sunday, the doctor released us to go home. 

Emotionally, we are doing well.  Physically, Amanda still has some pain, but is slowly improving.  Our biggest question is, "Why would God allow us to get pregnant, share the exciting news, have plans for Arizona, then end the pregnancy?"  I think it's a question that we will never have the answer to...at least in this life.  This is tough stuff, but we continue to put our hope in Jesus and know that God is in control. 

On a brighter note, we were able to "see" via ultrasound yesterday the baby that's due in a few weeks.  We saw the hands, feet, fingers, nose, mouth...but no gender.  It's a beautiful baby and we cannot wait to bring it home.  By the way, because of the birthmother's size, they are not going to let the baby grow larger than 7 pounds before delivering.  The baby is now 5 pounds, 14 ounces.  A baby grows 1/2 pound per week.  This means the baby will be 7 pounds in two weeks.  That's two weeks earlier than expected.  It could come on July 16th, which is also our birthdays -- Amanda and I share a birthday.  How cool would it be if our whole family had birthdays on July 16?  

Thank you for the many prayers and overwhelming support during this time.  We are so thankful! 

Baby Room

We've been working hard on the baby room.  Here are some photos of what we have so far.  Two walls are lime green, one wall is light lime green (almost white), and the fourth wall is milk chocolate (the paint in the can looked like hot fudge - mmmm.)  We added a glider to the room yesterday.  We also have some shelves and frames on the wall.  The pattern on the valance in the top photo is also the pattern we used for the bedding in the crib and on some other accessories.  It's called Trend Lab "Giggles."  All of this is fun, but our favorite part of the room is the little yellow duckies scattered on the floor and sitting on shelves.  Can't wait to bring the little ducky home.

Big News!

Baby's Foot

On August 1, 2011 (give or take a few days) a baby will be born into this world.  He/She will take that first breath and begin crying for comfort.  We are happy to say that a young mother has chosen us to be the parents of her baby

We can't provide too much information at this point, but that this young expectant mother lives in South Dakota.  She and the baby are doing well.  The baby is growing at a good rate and appears to be very active on the ultrasound.  So active that the technician was unable to determine its gender.

We had the opportunity to meet the mother last night over supper at a Chinese restaurant.  She is a sweet girl and we really enjoyed spending time with her.  We were able to tell her that we have been praying for her.  She wrote us a very nice letter and provided us the above picture from her ultrasound.

It's amazing how quickly all of this has happened.  We began the process at the end of December and here we are six months later counting down the days until the baby's arrival.  All we can say is praise God and thank you for your prayers and support!  We feel so blessed!!!

One Year Ago

June 14, 2010 is a day that will not be easily forgotten by us.  It was one year ago today that Amanda had an appointment with the doctor, then an ultrasound, then the discovery that our baby was no longer growing.  To say the least, it was quite a shock.  We had started planning for the arrival of a little one, but all of that stopped in an instant.  We locked ourselves in the house for a few days as we grieved the loss and came to grips with what had happened.  A few close friends provided support as they prayed and cried with us.  We'll never know why this happened this way, but we believe that God is in control and that sometimes He allows us to go through hard things for a reason.  We take comfort in knowing that He always loves us...no matter what.

Twenty Things

The first of five books the agency asked us to read during the waiting period was this book -- "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew."  The author, an adoptee herself, provides a wealth of resources and personal experience to make this book an enlightening, and enjoyable, read.  Based on her own personal experiences, and those gathered from other adoptees, Ms. Eldridge provides insight into the heart and mind of an adopted child to the benefit of his/her parents.

The book is very relevant, but one thing that keeps coming back to my mind has to do with the adopted child's birthday.  The adopted child wants his/her parents to know that sometimes birthdays can be very difficult for them.  Unlike biological children, the adopted child may see her birthday as the day she was rejected, the abandonment day, or the day her parents didn't want her.  The result may be bursts of anger, depression, or still silence.

Many of these "Twenty Things" are difficult truths to swallow, but obviously very important to grasp.  They are just as important for parents with adopted children as they are for parents with biological children.  I found myself thinking many times, "All parents should read this book," because it's really "Twenty Things EVERY Kid Wishes His/Her Parents Knew."

The next book to read is "Orphanology," gospel-centered adoption and orphan care.  

Family Web Profile

Another way to get our name out there for expectant mothers to find us is by creating a "family web profile" for Bethany Christian Services.  The web profile is a short letter about us, describing who we are and our journey to adoption.  This letter will then be published on the Bethany Christian Services website along with two still pictures and one slideshow.  If you go to their website (click here), you can see that many other families have made a similar profile.  To see profiles from other families, go to the bottom right corner of their site and look for "family profiles."  We hope to have our profile finished this week.  A link to it will be provided on our blog. 

Subscribe

We just added a new gadget to the blog.  When you scroll down the right side of the screen, you'll see the heading "Subscribe via email."  If you'd like to receive the latest updates about our adoption journey in your inbox, then click this link and follow the instructions.  It's easy to do and it's a reliable source -- published by Google.

Thanks for following our story!

impregnant.org

A great resource for women facing an unplanned pregnancy is the website impregnant.org.  This website provides information about how to tell if you're pregnant; it describes the various options for an unplanned pregnancy; and it answers some common questions about pregnancy.  If your pregnancy was not planned, you need to know that you do not have to go through it alone.  Someone is available to support you at impregnant.org.  

W a i t i n g

It's only been 17 days since we've officially been done with all of our paperwork and on the waiting list, but it feels much longer.  We've hit the point of just waiting for a phone call from the adoption agency to tell us that we've been matched with a mother and her baby.  The agency told us that during the time of filling out our paperwork, everything would move along quickly.  They also told us that once the paperwork was done, and the home study was approved, it would feel like we hit a brick wall.  They were right.  Every time the phone rings, we jump with anticipation that it's our agent from Bethany. 

When you're waiting for something, you find things to do to pass the time.  Some of the things we have occupied ourselves with include: decorating the baby's room (so far we have the crib, changing table, and several decorations, but we're waiting for the glider, which was backordered); we're reading a book titled, "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished Their Adoptive Parents Knew," it's an emotinoally challenging read; and we pray every day for the baby God has chosen for us.

Some things you could pray about:

• That the mother would be taking good care of herself (and the baby she's carrying) and that she would make a final decision about adoption.
• That a baby would soon be available for us to adopt.
• That God would prepare our hearts and minds for the role of being, not only parents, but adoptive parents. 
• That we would be patient and know that God's timing is perfect. 

In our eyes, the timing is perfect...our application process is finished, our bills are paid, and it's summer -- the season of new life.  However, we know that God's timing is always perfect and so we will wait on Him.  Thank you for your support, encouragement, and prayers.

Adoption and Jesus

One of the phrases we have learned to use about adoption when speaking about our child is that our child "was adopted," not "is adopted."  I hadn't previously thought about the importance of that distinction, but it does make quite a difference.  To say that my child "is adopted" is to put a label on him/her.  It might single the child out as different, especially if he/she is the only adopted child among biological siblings.  However, to say the child "was adopted" is to say, "This is how you were received into our family.  While the others were born into the family, you were adopted."  The child who "was adopted" has all of the legal, social, familial rights and privileges as biological children.  This is a great image of how we relate to God through Christ.

Until we started the adoption process, I didn't realize how frequently the Bible uses the term "adoption" to describe the change in our lives because of Jesus.  The word "adoption" is used five times in the New Testament:

"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as [sons and daughters] by which we cry out, 'Abba!  Father!'" (Romans 8:15, NASB)

 "And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as [sons and daughters], the redemption of our body." (Romans 8:23, NASB)

 "For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh, who are Israelites, to whom belongs the adoption as [sons and daughters], and the glory and the covenants and the giving of the Law and the temple service and the promises, whose are the fathers, and from whom is the Christ according to the flesh, who is over all, God blessed forever.  Amen." (Romans 9:3-4, NASB)

 "But when the fullness of the time came, God sent for His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive adoption as [sons and daughters]." (Galatians 4:4-5, NASB)

 "He predestined us to adoption as [sons and daughters] through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved." (Ephesians 1:5-6, NASB)

Paul wrote that we were "by nature children of wrath" (Eph. 2:3).  Before faith in Christ, people literally belong to the "family of disobedience."  But, if your faith is in Jesus Christ, you have been adopted into the family of God.  You can run with arms wide open to your "Abba!  Father!"  He didn't adopt only your "spirit," but your entire being was adopted through Christ.  You have been adopted into God's family just as those under the Law, receiving the full rights and privileges as a child of God.  It was His plan to adopt you into His family and He did it freely and for His glory. 

God doesn't look at you and say, "This child is adopted," causing you to feel inferior.  Rather, He smiles at you and says, "This child was adopted into my family."  Your adoption into the family of God is complete because of your faith in Jesus Christ.  You are no longer a child of wrath, but you are a child of God with your eyes fixed on the hope of a glorious future. 

Conclusion of Home Study

The report from our home study was sent to us yesterday afternoon.  We have reviewed it and returned it to Bethany.  Here is the conclusion from their report:

The results of this psychosocial evaluation strongly support this worker’s opinion that Jeremiah and Amanda are ready, willing, and able to take on the parenting challenges present in adoption.  This ability appears to be based from their solid attachments with their own parents.  Jeremiah and Amanda appear to be free of any unresolved trauma, loss, or victimization experiences that would interfere with their ability to parent. 

Jeremiah and Amanda possess all of the characteristics found in healthy, mature adults and successful adoptive parents.  This couple also has an excellent familial support system.  All family members are inclusive and ready to embrace a child as a full family member. 

Jeremiah and Amanda are equally committed to parenting and competent in this role.  Although they have not parented yet, it is this worker’s opinion that they will use loving, consistent parenting techniques.  They enjoy spending time with their nieces and nephews; both are also involved with the Sunday school program at their church.  A willingness to increase their knowledge and develop skills pertinent to adopting a child with minor special needs was evident throughout the home study process.  This worker appreciated their open and honest communication about their motivation to adopt and the child they desire to adopt.  They realize that maintaining a healthy marriage requires effort from both partners and that bringing a child into the family will create new familial dynamics.  It is this worker’s belief that this couple is competent to provide a safe, structured, and nurturing home environment for a child.

The Waiting Period

We are now in what they call the "waiting period."  Another way to say it is, "We are pregnant (so-to-speak), we just don't know how long the pregnancy will go on.  We could be waiting for a week or a year.  It's hard to say.  We're just waiting...

Some specific things we're waiting for include:
- The completion of our home study report.  Our caseworker is organizing all of the information she has gathered into a report for their office.  We hope this will be completed this week.
- An expectant mother to visit the agency and select us to be the parents of her child.
- A due date for a baby. 

As we are waiting, we will be praying for the expectant parents to make a committed decision and for the health and well-being of the baby.  We will also be reading some books about being adoptive parents.  The agency has started sending us some magazines and literature to prepare us for that role.  And, of course, we will continue putting together the baby's room.  We'll post pictures of the room when it's finished.  

We want to say thank you to everyone for your prayers and support.  Thank you for asking about the adoption process.  We are blessed to have you in our life.  It's exciting to be at this point because it was a year ago today that we found out that we were pregnant.  A lot has happened in a year.  God moved us in a completely different direction.  Perhaps the purpose of the miscarriage was to point us to adoption.  Who knows?  The fact is, we are getting closer!  Please continue to pray. 

Mark Schultz - Story Behind the Song

Christian singer/songwriter, Mark Schultz, was adopted as a child.  His song, "Everything to Me," was written to/about his birthmother.  This video is the story behind the song.  He provides a great perspective of why choosing adoption is so important. 

Our Letter to the Expectant Parents

Our profile book has been printed and shipped to Bethany's office.  To make the book a little more personal, we wrote a letter to the expectant parents.  Thought you would like to read it:

Hello!

Thank you for taking time to look at our book.  We also want to thank you for considering us to be the adoptive parents of your child.  We hope that you have been able to learn a little about us and what our lives our like.

Since deciding in December that we wanted to adopt, we have been thinking about you, the expectant parents, and the baby you carry.  We are so excited and thankful that you have made the decision to make an adoption plan for your child.  We are sure that getting to this point has not been easy for you.  We pray for you and your baby often.

We cannot wait to open our home to a baby.  We have been waiting for this day for about 3 years because we have not been able to have biological children. 

We want you to know that we will love your baby so much, and that all of our extended family is equally thrilled to welcome a new baby.  We will continue to pray for you throughout the rest of your pregnancy, your labor & delivery, and for all the days that will follow.

Jeremiah and Amanda

Home Study is Finished!

Our case worker came to the house yesterday for the third and final visit.  She had several more questions for us, but this time about our community.  She wanted to know what we thought about living in the country, what we liked about it and didn't like.  She asked about our neighbors...which are few.  We were happy to tell her that all of our neighbors attend our church and they are really good people.  We also had to tell her how many miles to the nearest hospital in case of emergencies.  She even wanted to know where we would send our children to school (James Valley was our answer, by the way).

After she finished with her questions, she walked around the house just to check things out.  She took the water temperature (ours was perfect at 120 deg).  She asked how many smoke alarms we had.  You're supposed to have one in every bedroom and at least one on every level.  We have to pick up a few more.

She ended the session by working through our adoption plan.  This is a list of items we filled out that they use to match us with an expectant mother.  It went mostly well, but we do have some things to think about.  We also came up with a list of goals to work on over the next few weeks.  

Overall, it went really well.  We are now done with all of the preliminary work.  She will write up our report and send it to us for review.  After they approve it, we will become a waiting family.  She tells us that it will  be approved next week.

Yellow Rubber Duckies in the Baby's Room

On a side note: In celebration of being done with all this adoption paperwork stuff, we ordered a crib and a changing table for the baby's room.  In the picture are the pac-n-play, stroller, and rubber duckies.  We're going with a brown, green, and yellow theme since we won't know the gender of the baby.  Either way, we figure it's time to start decorating the baby's room!

Home Study (part 2)

The second part of our home study actually didn't take place in our home.  Since we pay mileage for the social worker to come to us, they were kind enough to let us come to them.  This saved us about $150 dollars.  This was okay to do because the interview actually had nothing to do with our home. 

The interview started with both of us together, answering some follow-up questions from the first part of our home study.  Then, the agent split us up and interviewed us individually for an hour.  We weren't quite sure of what to expect, but it went well.  I think she was trying to see if we told the same stories and were on the same page with adoption stuff.

When the interviews were over, she told us that she has no hesitancies about us becoming adoptive parents.  She strongly encouraged us to get our "profile book" printed, which we did last night.  And, she scheduled the third and final part of our home study for this Thursday, March 31. 

So, on Thursday we will be finished with all the preliminary work.  Next week, we will become a waiting family...waiting for a child to be matched with us.  This whole process has moved so quickly and we can see God guiding us through it all.  Thank you for your many prayers.  God is moving.

Our Profile Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

This is the final version of our "profile book."  When the expectant parents come into Bethany, they will be given a hard copy of this book.  If they like what they see, they will ask to meet with us.

Home Study (part 1)

Our case worker arrived a little after 10 this morning to begin our home study.  Amanda and I were both expecting to be split up, but she kept us together.  We answered several questions based on one of the applications we filled out a while ago.  The questions had to do with our experiences growing up; how we will raise our own children; and several other personal questions.  She was here for about two hours, which passed by quickly.  We have two more appointments with her. 

Our next appointment will be next Thursday at the agency in Sioux Falls.  At this meeting, we will be split up and asked more of the same questions.  Then, our case worker will return to our home on March 31st to do a walk through of the house.  This will be our final meeting.

Here's some good news: Our profile will be complete and we can be matched beginning the first week of April.  They are working with several expectant mothers, so keep praying.  It's getting closer...

Children Of God

What a great reminder that we are all children of God. We have all been adopted into God's family. Check out www.thirdday.com/adopted for more information about adoption.  Mac Powell and his wife adopted their fourth child through Bethany Christian Services.

Adoption Is Greater Than Universe

Some good thoughts by John Piper about spiritual adoption into God's family and why we should consider adoption.  It gives you something to think about.   

The Life and Hope Journey

 

Our adoption blog has made it around the world!  Below is a list of places where the blog has been viewed.  The information is provided by our blog administrator.

United States
United Kingdom
Thailand
Canada
Lebanon
China
Germany
Netherlands
Vietnam
South Africa
India
Hungary
South Korea
Denmark
Indonesia
Australia
Iran
Ukraine
Nigeria
Spain
Uruguay
Norway
Singapore

An interesting observation about this list is that many of these countries are overloaded with orphans.  This tells us that someone from these countries was probably "googling" about adoption and stumbled upon our blog.  We'd still like to see it viewed in South America and Australia.  So, pass it on.  Thank you.

How Long Does Adoption Take?

One of the questions we are most commonly asked is: How long does adoption take?  It's a really good question, so we want you to know the answer.

The agency told us that they are asked this question all the time, but there is no definite answer.  Once a couple completes their home study (we will start ours on March 17), they are ready to be matched with an expectant mother.  The time between completion of the home study and being matched with an expectant mother is called the "waiting period" because you are literally just waiting to be matched.  The waiting period can be very short.  Some families have had a waiting period of zero days because they were matched the first day their profile book was made available to a mother.  However, the waiting period can also be very long.  They have also had some families wait as long as three years to be matched. 

Another way to think of this time is kind of like a pregnancy.  After conception, you have a "waiting period" of nine months before the baby arrives.  The only difference with adoption is that we don't know how long our waiting period will be.  So, this is our prayer: Please pray that the waiting period is short, that once our profile is complete we could be matched quickly.  When we are matched, the baby will most likely arrive within two months. 

We finished our profile book, but have some edits to make in it.  We'll have it up here soon.

Home Study Scheduled

Yay!  Our home study has been scheduled for March 17.  This will be the first of two visits to our home.  Amanda and I will meet individually with the social worker to answer questions based on our profile surveys.  The first meet will last 2-3 hours and a second meeting will take place a week or more later.  Once our home study is complete, we will be considered a "waiting family."  We will be waiting to be matched with an expectant mother and the child she is carrying.  Things are moving smoothly and, as you can expect, we are EXCITED! 

In the next few days we will post our "Profile Book" to the blog.  This is the book the expectant mother previews when she comes into Bethany.  She will/will not choose us based on this book.   Watch for it.

Hope for a Grant

Last Thursday was our final adoption training class at Bethany.  It was a five hour meeting with five other couples in attendance.  Mostly we discussed attachment in adoption which is "a special enduring form of 'emotional' relationship with a specific person which involves soothing, comfort and pleasure."  By the end of the session, Amanda and I understood how important attachment really is for an adopted child.  You wouldn't think an infant would have trouble attaching to its adoptive parents until you remember that it spent the first nine months of life in its mother's womb listening to her heartbeat, breathing, and voice.  They tell us that healthy attachment will take several months. 

Now that this meeting is completed, we are just waiting to do our home study.  It should be soon.  It will happen sooner if our FBI background checks have returned to the agency.  So, with the home study quickly approaching, we have started applying for adoption grants.  The applications for these are just about as long as our adoption application.  Our hope is that we will receive enough grant money to cover a major portion of our adoption expenses, that is, $14,500, but doesn't include the first $5500 needed up front.  We feel blessed to have already collected that first $5500 through our own saving and the generous gifts of friends and family.  The grand total of adoption expenses will be somewhere near $20000.  To say the least, we are hoping for a grant (or two, or three).

Please be in prayer for us as we apply for grants.  At this point, we are tired of filling out applications.  Pray that we would persevere through this process.  Also, pray that we could do our home study soon.  The sooner we get that done, the sooner we can be matched with a baby.

THANK YOU!!!

Yellow Rubber Duckies

When we found out last April that Amanda was pregnant, we started collecting yellow rubber duckies for the baby.  We thought it would be a fun way to decorate the baby's room.  (We also thought it was appropriate since we raise four live ducks in our yard.)  Our big idea wasn't all that easy to fulfill because we found that the sort of ducks we wanted weren't that popular.  But, we were driven to find them.  After a few weeks, we were able to gather quite an assortment of items like ducky pajamas, a ducky blanket, and even some other ducky toys.  This duck hunt kept us preoccupied as we patiently waited for the baby to grow.

Mid-June (just before the 12-week mark) we were supposed to hear the heartbeat.  We didn't.  The doctor informed us of the miscarriage.  We had already grown so attached to the baby.  Just like that, our hope and excitement for this baby came to a crashing halt.  Never have I experienced such pain.  We buried the rubber duckies, the pajamas, and the blanket in the bottom drawer of a white dresser in our guest bedroom.

Nothing will replace the baby that we lost, but we are finding through this journey of adoption that our excitement is returning.  We have started collecting duckies again.  And, it seems there are more of them out there.  The yellow ducks are now much more than just a fun way to decorate.  They remind us of the specialness of life and all of its ups and downs.  Our hope is that soon we will be able to present these duckies to our own little "duckling" through the joy of adoption. 

Some Adoption Language

We are learning that we must start saying some things differently regarding adoption.  Here is a list of phrases and their replacements provided by Bethany Christian Services:

Rather than "real parents" say "birthparents," "birthmother," or "birthfather."
Rather than "natural parents" say "biological parents."
Rather than "real child" say "birthchild."
Rather than "put up for adoption" say "make an adoption plan."
Rather than "give up for adoption" say "choose adoption."
Rather than "is adopted" say "was adopted."

These minor variations make a big difference.

More Things To Think About

Thursday's meeting with the adoption agency was a big one for us.  It was a little bit of training about adoption and a little bit more information to help us make some important decisions.  It definitely gave us a few more things to think about. 

A majority of this meeting focused on our adoption plan.  The plan is divided into two major sections: adoption preferences and openness plan.  As we work through the adoption preferences we are to decide whether we will welcome a child that has correctable medical conditions, severe medical conditions, a different race than ours, among other things.  We also have to decide our preferences about the social and medical history of the expectant parents, such as, mental illnesses, drug/alcohol use, HIV infection, etc.  While these decisions may seem simple (Who wouldn't adopt a child no matter what?) there's a lot more involved than just checking yes or no.  As I think about a child with several medical disorders, I have to be honest that we may not be the best parents for that child.  For example, we have no experience in caring for a child with something like Cerebal Palsy.  There are parents who would be much more qualified for providing outstanding care for a child with that condition.  Then I think, "Well, certainly no parents are prepared for that."  So, this is the sort of thing we need to think and pray through.

The second part of the plan addresses our openness.  This asks us to decide what sort of relationship we want with the birth parents.  The options are open, semi-open, and closed.  The "closed" option means that we will have no contact with the birth parents and the child will not know the parents while he/she is growing up.  The "semi-open" option means that we will have access to the birth parents and can send them notes and pictures, though the child will not have contact with them.  The "open" option means that we (including the child) will be able to meet the birth parents.  This is another difficult decision and we have received advice going in both directions.  It's hard to know what the right/best thing is to do.  We watched a video about "openness" and it involved birth mothers.  One mother said the hardest part after giving birth was leaving the hospital in a wheelchair, but not having a baby in her arms.  I can't imagine how difficult that must be. 

Our prayer needs:
- Pray for us as we work through the adoption plan and decide on preferences about the child.
- Pray for us as we think about and make decisions regarding our openness.
- Continue to pray for our finances.  Currently we have 27% of the total we need at placement.
- Pray for that mother out there who is carrying the baby that will grow in our home. 

We continue to be excited about this journey and definitely see God at work, but it can be quite emotionally draining.  It will be oh so worth it in the end.  

Orientation Meeting

We travel to Sioux Falls on Thursday to meet with Bethany for our "orientation" meeting.  During this meeting we will discuss our "openness" plan and make some important decisions about the child we will be receiving into our home.  Please keep this meeting in your prayers on Thursday, 1:30 to 3 pm.  Thanks!

Adoption Training

Amanda mentioned in the last post that we have orientation with Bethany next week, but we were excited to receive an email last night about some upcoming adoption training. 

When we met with our case worker last week, she told us that we may not get our mandatory training done until sometime in March because of schedule conflicts.  We weren't excited about that because the training has to be completed before the home study can begin.  If training doesn't happen until March, then the home study wouldn't happen until April and things would slow down a lot.  We were happy to hear just before we went to bed last night that the training has been scheduled for Thursday, February 17th.  A whole month earlier than expected!  It's a five hour training session about becoming adoptive parents and all that good stuff.  This is a direct answer to prayer.

Thank you for your prayers, support, and encouragement.  As Amanda said, it's crazy to think that there's a mother out there carrying a baby that we will welcome into our home.  We continue to pray for that mother and child. 

Our First Meeting

Last Wednesday we had our first meeting with Bethany. There were about five other couples there along with the director of the Sioux Falls chapter of Bethany, and the domestic adoption worker. They went over the basics of adoption. The main purpose of this first meeting was to decide if you want to adopt domestically or internationally because each path takes you down a very different road. We had already decided we want to adopt domestically and this meeting confirmed that in our minds.

On Thursday in Sioux Falls we had our fingerprints taken at the downtown police station. It is all done electronically now, pretty cool! We had to mail one set to the FBI, and then take one set back to Bethany. On Thursday afternoon we took the one set back to the Bethany office just to drop it off, and when we got there our social worker wanted to sit down and talk with us for a little while. She said we are moving along pretty fast in this first part of the process. We scheduled our next meeting, orientation, for a week from today. They paired us with one other couple who is also going through the adoption process. At this orientation we will go through our "openness" plan (what kind of a relationship we will have with the birth mom etc.) and we will talk about making our profile. Our profile is an 8x8 shutterfly book we create that explains who we are. When birth moms come to Bethany they look through these books to determine who they want to pick as parents for their child.

We are asking for lots of prayer right now: for all our background checks and fingerprints to come back quickly from state and federal governments (this can take up to 3 months and you are kind of stuck in the process until these come back clear), and our big one is that God would be preparing a mom and child for us that would be a perfect match. It is kind of crazy to think about but there could be a pregnant mom out there right now that will be our match!

Thanks for your prayers and support!

Why Is Adoption So Expensive?

We had a nice visit with the staff at Bethany Christian Services on Wednesday evening, then again on Thursday afternoon.  Amanda will write more about our visit with them soon, but I wanted to get a quick update to you.  They are happy with how we are making progress on our application (just a few more things to turn in).  They said we should get an award for getting our paperwork in so quickly.  I thought to myself, "You can reward us by giving us a discount on our adoption."  Which brings up a common question - Why is adoption so expensive?

For domestic adoption (which we are doing), adoption fees cover overhead charges, legal work, resources provided to us (the adoptive parents), but most importantly care and counseling for the expectant mother.  When a mother indicates that she would like to place her child up for adoption, the agency she is working with provides cost-free care for her.  As I see it, the free care for a mother is somewhat of an incentive for her to not go another route.  Part of our adoption fees will cover the counseling she needs as she grieves departure from her child, as well as, some of her medical expenses.  Hospital expenses for the child will be covered by our insurance, but expenses for the mother will be covered through our adoption fees.  I'm willing to pay whatever it takes if it keeps a mother from bringing a child into an unsuitable home or even taking the route of abortion.  When it comes to protecting life, no price is too high. 

We continue to save money for the adoption, but the Lord was gracious to provide through some friends the $500 that went with our contract.  We were surprised by that!  The next hill we have to climb is $2500 for our "home study."  We think that once that is completed, we can apply for grants.  However, there will probably be another $2500 payment that goes along with our service plan before the grant is dispersed.  Because we have been saving and through the sale of some paintings, we are nearly over the first $2500 hill.  Praise the Lord!  It's so fun to watch Him work and provide.  Will you continue to pray for us on our journey?  It's an exciting one. 

Don't forget.  This Sunday, Jan. 23, is Sanctity of Life Sunday.  Life is priceless.  Protect it. 

The Self Study

The self study is divided into six parts - personality; childhood and family of origin; marriage; previous marriage/significant relationship; work/education history; and children.  Here are some examples of the questions they asked:

- Describe how a personal achievement gave you satisfaction.
- When do you tend to get stressed/frustrated?
- What kind of child were you?  How did you spend your time?  Who were your friends?
- How has your relationship with your spouse changed since the "honeymoon"? 
- What do you admire most about your spouse?
- What are your main areas of disagreement?
- Describe your educational experience.
- How do you think a child (or children) will impact your life?

How would you answer some of these?  There were times I wanted to be sarcastic, but I refrained.  It was five pages of short essay questions.  On the final page they asked if there's anything you'd like to add.  I think they covered it all:)  So glad to have the self study finished.  We are nearly finished with our part of the paperwork.  Looking forward to visiting with the agency on Wednesday. 

Tree of Life and Hope

Tree of Life and Hope

Amanda and I were thinking of some creative ways to raise funds for adoption.  One of those ideas was to sell some of my paintings.  (Did you know that one of my hobbies is painting?)  As I thought about how to creatively express hope and life, I came up with the above painting.  The tree represents life and hope in a barren landscape, much like adoption is for a child.  One of these paintings is hanging in what will be the baby's room.  It's a great reminder for us of what this process means.

The painting is 16 inches x 20 inches on white canvas using acrylic paint.  The words "life" or "hope" are wooden letters painted black and appear in the bottom right corner.  It would look nice in a black frame and would make a great gift for a friend or relative.  We will ship anywhere in the world.  Our suggested donation is $200 -- it's more about the adoption than the painting.

If you would like to support our adoption and receive one of these paintings, please contact us by email (lifeandhope4betrons@gmail.com) or by phone (605-352-1774).  You can also make a donation through PayPal.  Just click the "donate" button to the right and it will take you to our secure account.

Any gift amount will help us a lot with our adoption expenses.  Thank you, thank you!

Contract submitted!

Today we put in the mail our contract for adoption services with Bethany and our first payment! This means that we are officially working with Bethany and they will now begin preparing things on their side.

On a side note, it has been so neat and encouraging hearing from so many of you about your own experiences with adoption. We have heard of another couple who adopted through Bethany plus couples who have worked with other agencies. It is exciting to see how God has worked matching parents with children.

Bethany was in the news lately for what they have been doing in New York City. Their offices in NYC contacted 14 abortion clinics and asked the clinics if they would be willing to tell clients about the adoption services that Bethany offers. All 14 clinics agreed! We are excited to be working with a Christian agency that is impacting communities and sharing the love of Christ.

Amanda

Link to article about Bethany in NYC: Adoption Outreach on Abortion Row

Sanctity of Life Sunday - January 23rd

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Psalm 139:13-15

Formal Application Submitted

Our formal application for adoption was submitted online yesterday.  This application allows the agency to check our family background, financial stability, personal references, and reason for wanting to adopt, among other things.  They are usually pretty quick about getting a response back to us, so we are waiting to hear from them about this application in the next few days.  In addition, we are working at submitting our contract with them (which includes a $500 fee) and permission to do a background check.  Tomorrow we are hoping to make some headway with the "personality" portion of the application.

Additionally, if you would like to be part of our journey through a financial gift, we would be happy to have you:)  We have made it easy for you by setting up a PayPal account, which you can see on the sidebar.  Just so you know, donations through PayPal are not tax-deductible, but we are checking on that option through Bethany Christian Services.  (NOTE: Click the "continue" button near the Visa and Master Card symbols on the PayPal screen to avoid setting up a PayPal account.)  

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for your prayers and support.

Meeting Postponed

Our meeting today with Bethany Christian Services was postponed due to bad weather.  Blah!  I took Amanda to work this morning and not once were we able to see the lines on the road.  It's probably a good thing that we aren't going to Sioux Falls, but we're sort of bummed.  We'll have to wait until next week. 

Jury Duty

I don't know how much this has to do with adoption, but it is part of the story.

Just after we made an appointment to visit with the adoption agency, I (Jeremiah) received my notice to report for jury duty.  The appointment with the agency was to be on Monday, January 10 at 6:30 pm in Sioux Falls and the trial was to begin that day, too, but in Huron.  The judge said the trial would start in the morning and finish up by 5 pm.  Since that ending time wouldn't give us enough time to get to Sioux Falls for the meeting, I was getting a little nervous.  Long story short, I've been sitting in the jury selection process for the past two days.  They had to narrow down 60 potential jurors to the twelve required and two alternates.  I just found out an hour ago that I was not selected for the jury.  I can now breathe a sigh of relief.  I love our nation's system, but doesn't jury duty always come up when something else important is going on in your life?  We're going to the meeting on Monday as planned:)

A Journey of Paperwork

We want to say thank you for so many encouraging emails and comments these past few days.  They have meant a lot to us and really affirm this direction we are headed.  It has also been neat to hear of others who are interested in adopting in the future and of some who are familiar with the agency we are using, Bethany Christian Services.

After receiving word last week that our preliminary application had been approved, some additional items were sent to us.  One of those being a link to the "adoption portal," which enables us to communicate with the agency and to fill out our formal application online.  Another item sent to us is that "formal application," which isn't as bad as I thought it would be.  We need to provide all the general information -- personal details, criminal history (none there), references, information about our parents, and a description of our house and community.  I enjoyed telling them that our house was newly carpeted and painted thanks to many people from our church.  A third bit of paperwork we need to fill out is called the "self study."  This one's the whopper.  It has too many questions for me to count and they aren't easy answers.  Amanda and I both have to fill out the self study, describing things like our personality, our marriage, what it was like for us growing up, and what we think our roles are as parents.  This is going to take us a while.  They have told us that they are also sending through regular mail some other items for us to fill out.  I didn't realize that this journey of life and hope is also a journey of paperwork.  Nonetheless, it's one we're happy to endure.

Prayer needs:
- Please continue to pray for that unknown mother out there who has a difficult decision to make.
- Please pray that we could be patient as we wait on God's perfect timing for a little one.
- Please continue to pray for us as we gather our resources.  Once our "home study" is completed in a few weeks, we will begin applying for grants and doing some fundraising to help cover the expenses.
- Please pray for us as we fill out all of this paperwork.  We want to seize the moment to enjoy the journey.

Thank you!